Thirty Things One Parent Learned From His Children

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old child’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
5. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
6. You should not throw base balls ups when the ceiling fan is on.
7. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
8. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
9. The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
10. Action man can be rotated nicely on a ceiling fan and kids understand the speed/rotation thing enough to place unsuspecting victims in the right chair at the right time to get smacked by Action man.
11. When you hear the toilet flush along with the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke (and lots of it). Note1: Children should not try this unless accompanied by a responsible adult. Note 2: Dads - A responsible adult wouldn’t even try this. Note 3: Dads – When you try this, don’t do it while your wife is around. She will think you are an idiot. Note 4: My wife thinks I’m an idiot.
13. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
14. Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
15. No matter how much jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.
16. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
17. VCRs do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
18. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
19. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
20. You Probably don’t want to know what that smell is.
21. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
22. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
23. The fire department in y town has a 5-minute response time.
24. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy, however.
25. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. Note: It was an accident. Don’t be mean to animals!
26. A 3-year old boy who is told not to go outside and play in the dirt will bring the dirt inside, mix it with water and build roads on the new living room carpet.
27. You should not stand too close to a fire alarm in a large grocery store if your child is in the basket.
28. The person who invented washable markers is a genius. The one who left the laundry marker out where the kids could get it is not.
29. Never reveal your true feelings about someone in front of your kids if there is any chance that the kid and that person might meet someday.
30. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and the brake fluid.